Yeah, well you're just jealous your pens don't match your shirt!

Okay, all you people need to stop making fun of me for clipping my pens to my shirt. You're just jealous because

a.) Your pens don't match your shirt.
b.) You keep on losing your pens. If you did what I did, you wouldn't!!!
c.) Your pens are probably cheap plastic, unlike my sweet stainless steel Zebra pens. [They don't even get chew marks! Oh, what now?]
d.) You're most likely not nearly as smart as me.
e.) Or as humble.
f.) You don't know all the words to Ice Ice Baby, and don't have my sweet rapping skills. Oh yeah.
g.) You haven't eaten an entire gallon of spumoni ice cream in your life. [Well, neither have I, but I aspire to.]

h.) I'm on the English team, therefore I get like half the candy bars the librarian has behind the desk.

i.) Your hair won't hold anything you stick in it. [Thank you, genetics.]

j.) You can't explain the whole Star Wars saga within five minutes.

k.) You're not awake at past midnight, posting to your blog.

l.) You just wish you were me, don't you?

m.) Santa Claus is not your homeboy.

n.) You don't know any of pi beyond 3.14.

o.) People aren't constantly asking you what words mean. [Wait, unless you're Crayola.]

p.) You don't know the difference between a robot and an android. [An android is made from organic parts, like Frankenstein's monster, and a robot is all inorganic.] [Wait, I shouldnt have told you people that. Oh, well, now you can have some of my genius. Aren't I generous?]

q.) You don't own seven pairs of Chuck Taylors.

r.) You don't have a life-size cardboard Yoda outside your bedroom door.

There. Reasons a-r you're just jealous. I'm sure I could think of many more, but right now I'm about ready to fall forward into the keyboard and my typing is becoming dylexic. I had to correct this sentence like a million times.

May the Force be with you, all you worshippers out there who are jealous of me. I'm sure all you want in life is to simply bask in the glow of my omnipotence. Well, that's just too bad.