"BAM! Where's my merit badge?!?!"/ Vacuum Dance

[Sara wantedto write this "before I did anything".]
DANCE,VACUUM,DANCE(AND SARA SAYS...)
Hey, how's it going? Lizz is back, so technically "And Lizz says...", but oh well. OK, so here's the whole big confuso story. Or maybe, like I shouldn't tell you because it's like a big secrety secret, eh? One kept between the nerd brethren (and sistren) in the library. Nah, nobody reads this anyway, and those who do don't care and know how much a big weirdo XSC is anyway. That's right, with an X. He's been upgraded from E. Cheese! OK, so like, one time, we were in the library for lunch [woah, the voice in my head just started speaking with a British accent. That was weird... Oh well.], and Drew was eating Goldfish and he spilled some on the floor and was too EL STUPIDO to pick them up so they got all crunchy all over the floor-o. And Mrs. Colvin doesn't like anybody messin around, especially with Goldfish, on her turf, so she's like, "Drew. You are going to vacuum those up right now." So, then, like me and Sara went and got the vacuum, and Jonathon was being an annoying loser in the hallway outside the Algebra room. Well, technically, Pre-Al. But oh, well that not really relevant right now, now is it? That's like starting the story of how Daniel came and ruined Sara's lunch one time. Hey, you wanna hear that one?!?! Well, that's too bad! OK... oh yeah, the vacuum. So them Drew's all like psyched because he gets to use to janitor's vacuum, and then he goes and he plugs it in and he does... the Vacuum Dance. Yeah, that's right, capitalized, yo. It's more like random convulsions, but yeah, we call it the vacuum dance anyway. Think of a cross between headbanging and, um, the Chicken Dance. Yeah, it's that bad. Man, we're talking about some major major MAJOR blackmail if I had my camcorder. And then, as if that weren't enough to ruin his high school reputation if anyone knew, he stops, and screams "Bam!!!! Where's my merit badge?!?!?!?!" in that squeaky, prepubescent voice he still has. Man, he's gonna kill me if he ever reads this. But that's OK. I have a... secret weapon. It's called... TACO. And with it's cohort MILK, nothing can stop me! Mwoohahahaha... *flashlight under face* Actually, my other secret weapons name is... *beginning of Beethoven's 5th*... TOBY! No, SARA. Yeah, actually got it right that time.

P.S. You remind me of the vacuum...

Yeah, well you're just jealous your pens don't match your shirt!

Okay, all you people need to stop making fun of me for clipping my pens to my shirt. You're just jealous because

a.) Your pens don't match your shirt.
b.) You keep on losing your pens. If you did what I did, you wouldn't!!!
c.) Your pens are probably cheap plastic, unlike my sweet stainless steel Zebra pens. [They don't even get chew marks! Oh, what now?]
d.) You're most likely not nearly as smart as me.
e.) Or as humble.
f.) You don't know all the words to Ice Ice Baby, and don't have my sweet rapping skills. Oh yeah.
g.) You haven't eaten an entire gallon of spumoni ice cream in your life. [Well, neither have I, but I aspire to.]

h.) I'm on the English team, therefore I get like half the candy bars the librarian has behind the desk.

i.) Your hair won't hold anything you stick in it. [Thank you, genetics.]

j.) You can't explain the whole Star Wars saga within five minutes.

k.) You're not awake at past midnight, posting to your blog.

l.) You just wish you were me, don't you?

m.) Santa Claus is not your homeboy.

n.) You don't know any of pi beyond 3.14.

o.) People aren't constantly asking you what words mean. [Wait, unless you're Crayola.]

p.) You don't know the difference between a robot and an android. [An android is made from organic parts, like Frankenstein's monster, and a robot is all inorganic.] [Wait, I shouldnt have told you people that. Oh, well, now you can have some of my genius. Aren't I generous?]

q.) You don't own seven pairs of Chuck Taylors.

r.) You don't have a life-size cardboard Yoda outside your bedroom door.

There. Reasons a-r you're just jealous. I'm sure I could think of many more, but right now I'm about ready to fall forward into the keyboard and my typing is becoming dylexic. I had to correct this sentence like a million times.

May the Force be with you, all you worshippers out there who are jealous of me. I'm sure all you want in life is to simply bask in the glow of my omnipotence. Well, that's just too bad.