This is a story I came up with out of my beautiful genius mind. Well, Sara helped. But mostly me. And I'm so humble, too, aren't I? WORSHIP ME! *coughcough* [Sara wrote more later, but this part was cheifly written by me} By the way, Carla was based on me. Where do you think I got the name "stalker lady"? Ashley says hi.
But The Amazing Adventures of Bob and Melvin.
by Lizz
And Sara
Chapter 01
One day, Bob and Zebidiah Jeremiah Jedidiah Clarence ( but we’ll just call him Melvin for convenience.) were moon walking in Joe’s apartment. Who is Joe? We will never know. Bob knocked over a lamp and tripped over it, falling on Melvin in the process. “Oh, sorry, man.”, said Bob as he got up. Now, the creepy stalker lady had been watching Bob and Melvin for quite some time, but she particularly liked Melvin. She was twenty-three and 3/7 years old . She had average looks but nobody knew her because she spent all her time staring out the window at Bob and/or Melvin and/or Joe through her binoculars. Her name was Elizabeth Cecelia Isabella Maxine Victoria Mary, but we’ll just call her Carla for no particular reason. Back to Joe’s apartment. Melvin got up, straightening his glasses, and said “What was that for?!” Bob just said “Sorry, man, it was an accident!” for like the fifth time that day. Melvin screamed “That’s it!!!” and quickly pulled out his precious, homemade lightsaber with the skill and speed of a Jedi master. (He had started this project, when cleaning out under his bed in the 6th grade, among the rats and lizards, he found a long length of blue tubing. That gave him an idea. He was still working on it, adding little phasers and doodads every now and then.) Bob then pulled out his tranquilizer gun ( he wasn’t nearly as much of a nerd as Melvin.) and shot Melvin. He fell to the floor stone-cold. Bob was worried. He had never had to use the tranquilizer before. He could tell Melvin had been losing sleep lately, by the way he came to the office late and promptly spilled hot coffee on his shirt. And how he seemed so tense and always had his lightsaber with him. It was like he had a group of maniacal squirrels out to get him, and he knew. Bob and Melvin had met in kindergarten when they simultaneously tripped over eachother's shoelaces, a once-in-a-lifetime event (or maybe even none-in-a-lifetime.) They were both bright kindergartners, and figured it must be fate that they tripped over eachother's shoelaces, and figured they must be brothers. So after school that day, Melvin snuck Bob home in his accordion case ( I told you they were bright kindergartners.) and left his accordion in Bob's seat at school (but not that bright.) and the janitor picked it up, and Melvin never saw Jeffrey again. (The janitor, Al, became very famous, but that's a whole different story altogether.) But that's okay, he bought a new one. So Melvin walked through the doorway of his house, dragging his accordion case behind him, and said to his mom, "Hey ,look, I found my brother!" Now, Melvin's mom had always been a little wary of sending her little Zebidiah to school, being the former hippie that she was, but this pushed her over the edge. Instead of withdrawing from school, she jumped a bus to the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn, where the towels are oh so fluffy and the shriners and the lepers play their ukeleles all day long and anyone on the street would gladly shave your back for a nickel. Poor Melvin was left momless. But him and his "brother" Bob took care of themselves. The first thing they bought was a Jif jar of peanut butter, which they tried to sell to the neighbors (which didn't work out, by the way.) Hey, who can blame them, they were five and it seemed like a good idea at the time. So all that was left to do was raid Melvin's mom's fridge (which they did.) There was so much frozen crap that it left them until they were old enough to come up with a better plan then selling peanut butter to the neighbors. After about fifteen years in the dark, they realized the big bucks were in accordion and bagpipe. Bob and Melvin would play accordion-bagpipe duets for an average profit of .00084 cents per day. The two brothers then decided to do something else. So they joined the circus as the Amazing Geek Brothers. There were two problems with this a.) they weren't even biological brothers and b.) who wants to see a bunch of geeks? (besides the geeks that write this story, but that's not the point.) They finally just decided to buy houses next to each other and live normal lives. Well, semi-normal, anyway. How can you live a normal life when your name's Melvin? Or even worse, Zebediah? Well, back to the present. Bob dragged the unconscious Melvin to window, and woke him by doing the world-famous Michael Jackson move and dangling him out the window. Melvin screamed and cried like a cheerleader would if you told her her butt was big. Bob pulled him back, trying to keep his temper, and saying "You tried to kill me again." Melvin replied to this by saying, "Sorry, I thought you were a camel." When Bob inquired of this answer, Melvin replied "Macaroni." Melvin had been kind of strange since he had that bagpipe case dropped on his head a couple years ago. Bob just deleted the whole incident from his prodigious brain and made Melvin some Canadian bacon to have with his twinkie-weiner sandwich, and put on some polka which always made him happy. Carla had been watching the whole thing and thought these two things: a.) hey, Canadian bacon! b.) Why is Melvin ignoring me? She then realized Melvin wasn't supposed to notice her, and quickly deleted her last thought. Carla had been watching Melvin since the 8th grade .She had been a very lonely band geek, and ever since seeing Zebediah Smith come in with his accordion slung around his neck, had fallen in love instantly. Creepy love. She decided then and there that even if it meant not getting any sleep some nights and getting up at 4:00 in the morning, she would never let him out of her sight. But it was very enjoyable work. At school, she would watch him from across the room, or follow him home. She was really creepy. But she was so convinced that Melvin was her one true love , she was willing to seem scary to everyone but her fellow stalkers. Many people attempted to warn Melvin that Carla was "always watching", but Melvin just laughed. He was slowly coming to a freaky realization that there may be some truth to these rumors. The bagpipe accident had knocked some sense into him. He always had his lightsaber with him, just in case. The "bagpipe accident" had happened after another unsuccesful bagpipe-accordion playing session. Bob decided to get a taco grande at Taco Bell. Melvin said he didn't want a roommate with gas, but Bob disregarded Melvin's comment and Melvin got stuck carrying both cases. Melvin put the bagpipe in the hands of a shady Mexican ( the heat was getting to Melvin that day.) Pedro (the shady Mexican), then climbed up to the top of the building and dropped the case on Melvin's head. Pedro didn't like geeks. The rest is history. Melvin woke up in St. Paul's general hospital, inquired what he was there for, answered his own inquirsion (yes , I know it's supposed to be inquiry.), and blacked out again. He then awoke to Frankie Yankovic in an apartment. Bob figured he should stay with his "brother" and went ahead and bought an apartment near St. Paul's just in case another freak Mexican/bagpipe accident occurred. ( Don't worry , Carla tracked them down.) And in case Melvin ever tried to massacre the "surgeon army" with his lightsaber again. Well, back to the present. Melvin grabbed his lightasber and walked to the fridge for some midnight sauerkraut. Melvin found none. So he went and tapped Bob on the shoulder. Startled Bob woke up screaming "NO! NO! You were the chosen one! You were supposed to defeat the Sith, not.." "Bob. BOB! It's only your brother. Stop fantasizing that you're Obi-Wan. Hey, and where did all the sauerkraut that we had in the fridge last night go, eh?" Bob just replied "I dunno. I didn't do anything like eat it or anything." Melvin brandished his lightasber and said "Oh, okay, so who did? Your pet lizard?" At this Bob rolled over and whispered to the cage next to his bed , "It's okay, Conan, he didn't mean anything by it." He then smothered his face in the pillow and mumbled "I dunno, go check again." So Melvin did. No sauerkraut.
Too be continued....
Labels: bob, bob and melvin, melvin, nerd, random, stupid
